I have just returned from a month overseas; I returned tired from missing 3 days of sleep on my journey home, tired from not getting much sleep at all during my 4 weeks away.
When you are tired it is easy to go a little hysterical, become a little delusional, your mind plays tricks on you.
So for the last 2 days I have been flitting between slightly hysterical and moving sloth like in a trance like state.
I think I have said it before (I say think as I am still quite tired, dazed and confused- so humour me here) I believe walking away from a situation or person is the best way to ascertain your true feelings.
Last night I taught my first body balance class in a month, after a moment of panic as I realized just how jet lagged I still was, how in true Lou style I hadn’t thought this through at all, I got up into that stage wondering if I would remember my choreography, would I be able to speak at all, would my body even move after a months break…..
The day I arrived back we had a little sleep, well a longer sleep than intended as I hit the snooze button for an extra hour and half, then I walked around the house in a daze.
I wondered did I still love my life, did I still love my house, am I doing the right thing, have I made the right decisions?
I was so tired that thoughts were rushing into my brain, but my brain was unable to process any of them.
…..So back to being on stage last night, the day after I returned home, track one I knew it wasn’t quite right, the choreography was meant to be different, but it didn’t matter, I didn’t freeze, I may have had a confused look on my face, but I was back, I was doing what I love.
That feeling of happiness and satisfaction rushed over me like a wave, and it felt amazing.
I believe we all can become complacent in our lives, in our relationships, in our jobs, we go along with the motions, a day a week a month goes past, and things become routine, they become so familiar we loose sight of what we really love, or what we are simply doing out of routine.
Having that break will literally make or break you, will show you the depth of your feelings for any person or situation, wouldn’t you rather know?
Yesterday I caught up with friends, today I catch up with more, friends I had missed in just a month, friends who have been texting me telling me they are missing me.
The rest of this week I teach classes, I will try to get to the beach.
I am living the life I love, and I know that I love it, and what can be more beautiful than that.