It’s 8:30pm on Thursday night, and I just crawled into bed, after a long week of sleepness nights, and jam packed days.
My exhaustion is etched deeply across my face, and I notice with sadness that when I smile the smile has been failing to reach my eyes.
I feel lately as though I am surrounded in a blanket of constant negativity, I feel suffocated and trapped.
As I struggle to break free and come up for air, I tell myself that this too is just a phase, that as with every phase it will end.
I am trapped by circumstance, an unfortunate moment in time, where there is more going on at the same time, than I could have predicted, when all the negative things happening to people are happening all at once, and I am the rock that everyone depends upon.
That’s the thing about being everyones rock, that rocks too when thrown in the deep end- they sink.
I have always been the rock; the one people turn to, to share their problems with, to listen, and ask for advice.
Being a rock for most of my life, I know my limitations, I know when I need to say no, to recharge and stop myself from sinking.
How can you help others, unless you help yourself first. How can you help yourself, if you don’t really listen to yourself, if you don’t love yourself and respect yourself.
I guess my point is, be the person that everyone turns to, but be true to yourself as well. Be kind to yourself, to enable you to keep being kind to others.
As shattered as I feel at this moment- I would not have my life any other way, I would not be any other person than the one I am now.
I would not trade being the rock for anything else in the world!